Seemed kind of cute when one of us (yep, Baby Boomers again) couldn't find our keys or lost a thought in mid-sentence. We'd laugh and attribute it to our comical version of Alzheimer's Disease. It was so funny that sometimes we might've even said that we'll be glad when we have full-blown Alzheimer's just so we can kick back, not have to worry about anything, and enjoy the obliviousness.
Those "Missing Elderly" signs that TxDOT posts on the freeway ... best joke I'd told in a long time was that I regularly check to see if those signs are describing me and my vehicle.
And then a Facebook friend posted that she'd moved several of her blog posts related to the Alzheimer's ordeal that she and her husband are facing to a new blog -- Missing Memo: Walking the Alzheimer's Abyss. I knew my friend was a good writer and I'd seen that she was raising money for the local Walk to End Alzheimer's benefitting the Alzheimer's Association - Greater Dallas Chapter, so I clicked on the link to her new blog.
I read "It's the Little Things" and learned about a recent episode when her husband "disposed of" her Amish Friendship Bread starter, and she realized there was no need to complain to him because he couldn't remember. She outlined questions she'd learned to ask herself before she responded to what she described as "stuff happening:"
1. Did anybody (human or animal) get hurt?
2. Was there any major property damage?
3. Was our security endangered?
4. Was a financial account compromised?
Kind of entertaining and a good read, so I returned to her blog when she posted again, "A wake-up call if you're a caregiver ..."
Old-Timer's Disease wasn't funny anymore. I teared up but read some more ... then I cried.
My friend and her husband are about my and Kim's ages, and reading of the fear, uncertainty and frustration of a loved one -- a soulmate, a lover, a best friend, a near lifelong partner, the other half of all your memories -- slowly disappearing was terrifying.
(long, long pause)
I can't even write this and stay dry-eyed. I thought about Kim and how we've always talked about what we'd do when we retired (I'd be doing a lot of work; she'd be doing a lot of antiquing to fill up that old house we'd buy to surround her clawfoot tub we bought 20 years ago). Mary Chapin Carpenter singing "Grow Old Along with Me" has always been one of our favorite songs.
And then my friend paints a "but for the grace of God goes me" scenario in which all of that is unexpectedly and horrifingly gone (where the hell's my Kleenex?).
Read her blog. You'll understand, and you'll pray. Next time you lose your keys, you'll be ecstatic just knowing that you lost your keys.
Never leave your best friend without a hug, and next time someone does something that you deem tragic, ask "Did anybody (human or animal) get hurt? Was there any ..." Kind of puts things into an all-new perspective.
And next time someone references "Old-Timer's Disease," don't laugh. It's just not funny anymore.
***********
An old fart and still questioning the value of social media?
I worked 20 years for a non-profit, and I doubt that the cumulative effect of every brochure I passed out and mailed reached the number of people that my friend's blog and her related Facebook post and tweet touched.
Social media has given the Alzheimer's Association a gratis spokesperson sharing a personal call to action ... wait, I guess I'd make two spokespersons, and you'll make three. Just as importantly, the organization now has a meaningful dialogue with one of its constituents and knows exactly how she feels ("back in the day," we just sort of told people how they should feel about us).
As fund-raisers, we preached that "people give to people; people don't give to causes." Social media -- that mind-numbing, time-sucking screen that holds our worthless younger generation hostage -- helps put a face on those causes.
And with any luck at all, each of us personally authoring or even forwarding a few tweets and posts ...
Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love
Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love
Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end
Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our love
- John Lennon (as sung by Mary Chapin Carpenter)
Follow me on Twitter: @FWgib
1 comment:
My family also knows the pain of Alzheimer's. My sisters and I watched our beloved daddy slowly forget all that he held dear. As you said, we are the baby boomer generation so he was a WWII veteran who loved, more than anything, telling stories of his days on the PB-Y Catalina (the flying boat). He and momma were married almost 64 years but at ther end, daddy forgot us, his war days and worst of all, momma. We knew we were going to lose him so all my sisters and I knew to pray for was that this cruel disease take him before he forgot the love of his life. However, the disease is extremely cruel and he forgot who momma was prior to drifting off to sleep, not to wake up again. thank you for your story and tears, I share them too.
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