Warning: Side Effects of Dad-isms

(Some of this post might be considered PG-13. I have to figure out how to write it without attracting the attention of google-pervs. Forgive the odd spellings.)

I've always had a pretty up-front relationship with my kids; and even though they've normally ignored my Dad-isms, we've openly discussed important, age-relevant issues.

When my older daughter (#1) was about the age of my younger daughter (#2) now, my wife had miscarried twice until she was able to carry our younger daughter to full-term. #1 and I had some very frank and descriptive discussions during that time about pregnancy, secks, life and death, and relationships. This eventually capped with the 'If you give a mouse a cookie' speech I wrote about in Dad-isms #1.

Daughter #2 is much more direct and straightforward than my older kids. My wife, #2 and I were having dinner at Haltom Chinese last week, when I brought up the evils of pre-teen boys (I'm open-minded), anticipating the receptiveness and understanding of daughter #1.

#2 stops me mid-evil-boy sentence and said, 'Mom's done IT. I'd rather talk with her about this.' When pressed, #2 counted our children (a yours, mine and ours family) and detailed that mom had done IT twice and that I had done IT twice, but she'd much rather get the details from mom.

She told me last night that she and mom had talked about IT on the way home from the doctor's office. BUT mom probably didn't adequately explain what happens when you give a mouse a cookie.

A couple of side-notes . . .

Note #1: Haltom Chinese's owner is incredibly nice. Near his cash register, he's posted autographed photos of local pageant contest winners who visited his restaurant. When Daughter #1 became her high school's first-ever homecoming queen (a new school), I joked about him posting her photo (#1 wouldn't do it). But ever since, he's referred to her as 'The Queen.'

As we've continued to eat at the restaurant (we've been loyal for about 10-15 years), he now refers to #1 as 'Big Queen' and #2 as 'Little Queen.'

(okay, watch for spelling)

Note #2: When #1 was about a junior in high school, my wife and I were watching the news, when a story came on about teenagers not considering or uhl secks to be secks (hmmmm? odd name for not being secks).

I immediately recognized this as an opportunity for a Dad-istic conversation and called #1 in to talk about the news story. I confidently explained the news story to her and asked if it was true at her school.

She said, 'Oh no, we call it give ing hehd.'

I'd Dad-isized myself into a corner. Did I really want to know anymore? Think. Think. Think (just like Winnie the Pooh). Hours must've passed, but I replied, 'We've talked about STDs before. Just because it's or uhl secks doesn't mean you don't need to use a condom.'

There is a God. With dad-relieving spontaneity, without taking time to think about dad's ears already bleeding from what he'd just heard, she spewed (bad choice of vowels?), 'I'm not putting some guy's dirty pea nus in my mouth!'

Okay, maybe mice could stopped at a glass of milk.